I am really Sotong to the max!! I drew $20 from the ATM and I forgot to take the money! tsk tsk tsk. My brain cells are dying on me at the age of 21.

Practicum date is next wednesday! Got so many things to do. I haven even started on my practicum folder and not forgetting the soon-to-be-due assignments. It's gonna be the end of my Diploma road but it's like the toughest part..suffocating me~

So addicted to Lady Gaga songs now.whoohoo :)) I want my peaceful life.

Tuition tmr! The world is so small again. One of my boys in the tuition class so happen to be in my practicum childcare class that I'm taking! so cool. So he sees me everyday and friday night. lol. "You like Teacher Carmen?"

GET OVER IT

I just want to lead my life peacefully without you. Really, Don't bother to look for me or find me anymore. Don't step into my life again. You think I'm stupid or senile to not know what is happening around? I can tell you, the world is so so so small. Everybody is watching and listening what you say what you both are doing. So probably when u go out next time, wear a mask so that no one can recognise you.

Why is everyone keep asking me the same question. "Are you going back to him?". Seriously, I had never been so sure with my decision and have not regretted will not regret my decision in leaving that guy.I had never been so strong and firm in my life. but this decision made me. I thought I couldn't live without you last time. I gave you everything to keep you with me, giving away even my pride and dignity, everything. I just want to live a life which is a life. something worth living for. not those 4 years that we had lived. I regretted it so much.

And for goodness sake, you think I'm like you?! can jus go into another relationship or change partner immediately? or say love another den love another? Do I look so cheap and loose to you?! you are those that will die without woman. I am not. Family love and true friendship is something you will lose out in life. What is the point of filling your empty vessels with love from girls? Fill it with something more meaningful.

Just don't come and bother me or myy family anymore

SENTOSA!!

more photos on FB!

There is just something and some things that an IJ girl is different from all other girls.
There is just this special bond and love between IJ girls that no other girls can understand.
This is what makes us IJ;
That's probably god's way.

It's friday lo! So fast. Almost forgot I had to teach tuition tonight. and I was late! Class was okay today I guess.. Expect that the comp at the tuition centre crash and no worksheets for the children. and i had to impromptu think of activities to do...

一棵开花的树

一棵开花的树
(席慕容)

如何让你遇见我
在我最美丽的时刻　为这
我已在佛前　求了五百年
求他让我们结一段尘缘

佛于是把我化作一棵树
长在你必经的路旁
阳光下慎重地开满了花
朵朵都是我前世的盼望

当你走近　请你细听
那颤抖的叶是我等待的热情
而当你终于无视地走过
在你身后落了一地的
朋友啊　那不是花瓣
是我凋零的心

This poem is so so so nice :))

Great. It's because of ppl like you both that turns the whole world upside down. Wait for your Karma.

Last day of class today! Devi called me at 4pm only to tell that we need to hand in our Individual Assignment today! 1.5-2 K words write up in 2 hours. GG! With my little shadow hanging around beside me throwing tantrums seeking my attention, at least I managed to complete. Reached class at close to 8pm. Just sign attendance and party.

Party! Everyone brought so much food! eat and eat. YEAH! finally last day of class. 2 months more to my Diploma Cert! Then I can advance my studies to join police!!!! hurray!!!

Lye nuquernuva sen e dagor. I'narr en gothrim glinuva nuin I'anor. Agaryulnaer, Morier, Wethrinaer, Feuyaer, Gayaer, 'Ksher !!

new phone, new line, new life

WHOOO!!! I AM SO LOVING MY NEW PHONE- SAMSUNG JET and it is the white edition! wheeeheee. Thank you papa!! finally got my touchscreen phone lo!

Went to watch 14 Blade. Not bad. My fav Donnie yen and Zhao Wei!!! 715 and Wu ZUn. Find that Wu Zun very extra in the show. and he looks like Pirates of the Carribean. worth watching and it's very funny :))

When I think back, Suddenly, I feel that you cannot live without relationship. You need to have a girl thruout your whole life. Just any Mary, Jane or Girl. you just need a girl. maybe you are sick in your head somewhere ba :)

Hush Hush

Yst night was so re nao! God ma and god pa, Kiara and Tyron, Theron and his gf, Xander and Xandon all came my house for dinner!! whoohoo. The whole house was like so lively! plus Shayenne 3 babies in the house.

Everyone got so well along with each other :)

You know what, I am living my life happier now. Definitely much more happier and more meaningful then the life you both are leading now. Don't act pityful in front of me, saying what it's the lowest point of your life, you are going to be charged or what. You created all these shit. why still come and harrass me when you still got your Ivy. double face freak. I don't have to do anything to you, god sees.

Because of YOU, any idea how many people you have hurt? Top on the list would be your MUM AND DAD. you seriously owe them a life time apology. I really cant think of any reasons why they still help you out so much except only LOVE; because you are their son. Think of it, what have you done to make them proud? nothing but giving them trouble and worries all these years. All the girlfriends you had, all the shit their parent gave your parent. You think they like it? Thought after having a baby a family, you would settle down. I have nothing to say to your parents except thank you them for these 2 years of staying with them. How are they gonna face your relative and their friends again. You should have seen the tears in your mum's eyes when I left the house. Your parent, Shayenne are all the innocent ones. I have no idea what they owe you in their previous life. Seeing you like this, their heart hurts even a thousand times more. If you see my post, then please.. Don't create any more troubles or worries for them. be a good son.

WHAT CANNOT KILL YOU, MAKES YOU STRONGER!

It took me 3 years and 9 months to learn a lesson. A lesson that makes me stronger and have another meaning to life :) If weren't for this lesson, how would I ever know that my parents, my family love me so much and the friends around me. This is something you BOTH will never get to experience in your next entire life- Family love, the greatest love on earth.

And I'm now having mini clubbing!! in front of the comp and my ear piece. Whole house sleeping, even my hamster, my cat and the cockroaches. If not I'll blast the whole room!! ohhh ohhhhh ohhhhh!!! SOme drunk guy just msged me "HAHA, I AM HAPPY CLUBBING NOW." so? do i look like i care? I wouldn't even care if you are fucking her right now , would I even care if you are at the club?!

thinking of you makes my blood boil. blood circulation better, more oxygen to my body cells. thus making me feel like vomitting and I feel very very giddy. till i wanna faint.

Went Jb today with dad, mum, ah yi and Shayenne. Bought like so many many stuff. and my dear kept clinging on to me like koala bear. koala bear on a bamboo pole...

Thursday

Eeeeyer....can you believe Jordan is with that girl. Everytime I think of that, I lose my appetite and feel like vomitting. That explains why I only ate chicken and starbucks mocha for the whole day. I don't feel hungry at all.

Chaotic mums. Went town with Kiara and Jaslyn and Jeremy today. LOL. Jaslyn super funny and entertaining! was nice meeting you girls :) and I am not suppose to blog about the buy 3 get one free belt over here. WAHAHA.

Char bo during break time at class today because the lecturer was super duper boring. 4 Faith's gathering tmr!!! whooohooo!!! gonna club tmr after meeting girls at timber@substation tmr. Busy busy busy week "))

when a spouse leaves

"Have you noticed how the wounded partner in a divorce, the person who is clearly the victim of the other's irresponsibility, is often the one who suffers the greatest guilt when the marriage breaks up? It's true.

Marital disintegration is seldom the fault of the husband or wife alone. There's fault of the husband or wife alone. There's always some measure of shared blame. However, when one marriage partner decides to behave irresponsibily, to become involved outside of marriage, or to run from family commitments and obiligations. that person usually seeks to justify his or her behavior by magnifying the failures of the spouse, For a husband or wife with low self esteem, these charges and recriminations are accepted and internalised as indisputable facts.

If you're in this situation today, you must resist the temptation to take all the blame. You might begin to see yourself as a victim, rather than a worthless failure at the game of love."

-taken from "FOCUS family" today paper.


went for excursion today to Chinatown. Hot sunny day and we were all walking along the streets of Chinatown. Fun bringing the kids around buying new year goodies. Headed to bugis to meet Kiara after practicumt to shop! fantastic. went body shop and got serve by that trans. but she was really sweet and nice.

Sometimes in the childcare, when i walk around and see the happy family photos of the children with their dad and mum, brother and sister or drawings and writing about m"MY FAMILY". this is my daddy, this is my mummy...i feel like crying out loud...

tired

Today's the first day of childcare for Shayenne and first day of practicum for me. Got up early, argh. My dad drove both of us to the childcare which is like hidden among all the bungalows. The kids there are like rich family kids and lots of caucasian children.

Compare to the facilities to the Cherie Hearts I worked previously. The classroom is so much lacking in need of new materials and new makeover. Plastic sheets were falling from here and there. Learning corners don't look like learning corners. But manpower wise, it's so so much better here. We had like 4 teachers including me to 14 children.

Met up Kiara for lunch at macs and accompanied her for another "Young mothers" interview. Was so tired i fell asleep on the table. Woke up and felt like vomitting. Headed outside to do my manicure! Whoho. The person said I had very nice nail. Painted HOT PINK. whohoo and im so addicted to my beautiful nails now. Devaki even said it looked liked those paste on kind cause the shape and colour were really nice!

More activities coming up this week! can't post all here cause some irritating stalker loves to come here and dig for evidence to pin against me :)

Lord, take me

I don't know how to start where to start. I've finally made my decision. to leave him for good.

God ma and kiara, if you're seeing this, I would really like to thank you all so much. if without you god ma, I would have alr jumped down and die. I love you both so much. I really thank god for placing you u both in my life, i will never ever have enough to thank you and repay this love.

I know I have to leave that guy. Sleeping on the same bed with a guy that is seeing another girl outside. I use the word "girl" not "woman". How scary can it be. Till now, whenever I think of this. My heart feels so much throbbing pain. I don't know how long will I take to pick up the broken pieces of me. Broken and shattered. That's what is left of me now.

Can you imagine, this year CNY would be spent so differently..

To Jordan: When I leave you, It's not that I don't love you. You asked for a seperation a cool down period. What is your cooling down period? You didn't even tell me. Cooling down means having a relationship with a random girl you just know? Cooling down means not coming home to sleep and spend the night outside?

Whatever it is, I can't possibly live or stay with you anymore. You really hurt me to the max of the max of the max. You could have chosen to live happily, with your mum, your dad, Shayenne and me. Go for family outings, laugh and joke at home helping one another out in the house. But you chose to indulge. indulge in temptations.

I don't think I am a nasty or unreasonable wife to start with. I gave my best and kept the best everything for you. these 3 years and 9 months. Till you took me for granted slowly and slowly, think just by providing financial need to Shayenne and me would be enough. I learnt to be a good daughter in law, a good wife and a good mother in every role I play. I respected your parent and love them as my own. I serve you as a wife so much so I feel myself become a slave for you. I can stand up and proudly say that " You can never ever find a daughter in law, a wife and a mother of your child like me. "

I thank my family who had always been so wonderful and supportive. My mum, My dad, My brother and my maid! You all showed me what's the meaning of FAMILY LOVE. mummy and daddy has never never forsake me. If i say I'm stronger. Papa, mummy, you both are the strongest. I love you both. Pardon me for unable to tell you what happen to me and Jordan. Because i will sure breakdown and cry like shit, if I were to tell you. I don't want you both to see me hurt because i know then you both will be more hurt times hundred times. I have to control myself in front of you both. Be your happy and smiley girl.

The only 2 things I pray for is courage and strength to walk this road with Shayenne. And also, Jordan to have repentance and wake up from his nightmare, if not, he'll be just destroying his life and definitely will have lots of regret in time to come.

Thanks my friends, all around, from facebook to msn to sms. Thanks for all your words of encouragment and support. There is only so much you people can help me, the rest is up to me.